I have decided to blog my weight loss journey because I cannot afford weight watchers and have to be accountable to someone, even if it is only myself. If it is in black and white there is no denying it! I know that writing has healing capabilities and I need to heal, not only from being a fat girl. I need to say goodbye to my outer fat girl, its time!!..........The only way that I know how to do this is to be brutally honest and this is how I am going to do it... so with that being said, here we go.
A little background on me....
My name is Leslie and I am from a small town (actually, a village!) in
I have fought my weight my entire life. I was always the "ugly duckling". I am pretty, but I guess I will admit that I am morbidly obese. Wow, those are some hard words to say! Yes, I am obese.
In high school I was friends with everyone, so being heavier didn't really affect me. Sure, I wanted to be a cheerleader and wear skirts without my thighs rubbing together. I wanted to wear the latest styles, but I was too heavy. I had boyfriends in high school, but I still never quite fit in with “in crowd”. I even dated a football player!! (go me!!)
Fast forward almost 20 years and here I am ... 5'4" and (as of March 25, 2011) a whopping 327.5 pounds. I cannot believe that I weigh this much. I weighed close to this when I was pregnant with my daughter, but I was carrying another human being inside me. Holy cow!! I can't walk long distances. I can't run and play with my 2 year old ... I can’t even get on my hands and knees because my knees feel weird when I am on the floor!
I am embarrassed to go grocery shopping, to go out in public. I always feel that people are laughing and making jokes about me. My self esteem is so low. I feel like a fat slob. The worse I feel, the more I want to eat. I am a chocoholic. I NEEEEEED chocolate!
Well, that all stops now......
I am tired of being fat. So sick and tired of it. I can’t get a boyfriend because I am so fat. I look at these nasty ugly girls who have husbands and I think WTF is going on here? I don’t understand. I am not nasty. I am actually pretty. I am just obese.
I have always said that I can’t lose weight because I don’t feel fat. For the most part, I don’t feel fat. I know that I am pretty. I am a good person. I was raised by good parents. I now know that this is just an excuse to be lazy and not be accountable.
My Journey:
My friend Joanna suggested myfitnesspal.com. Ugh, not another diet tool. She said that she has had some success with it so far. I need help … I need to do something. So, I decided it was time to do this. I am 36 years old. I had a complete physical last year – blood work and all. Dr. Laurie said that I am in beautiful health … as a matter of fact, my cholesterol is only 153!! Take that fat girl!! Dr. Laurie said I still have time to lose weight.
She was pushing for me to have gastric bypass, but I really do not want to have surgery. I am not one to take drugs. I was going to do the acai berry diet, but there is a warning on it that there is a chemical in the product that is known to
I have nothing to lose. So, myfitnesspal.com it is.
Can you say wow?? I put in my height and my weight and it tells me how much I can eat! Yes, I like this diet already! If I exercise I get to eat more. Woo hoo. I have a love hate relationship with food…. I love it, but it hates me!! I look at a brownie and I gain 12 pounds.
Like I said before as of March 25, 2011 I weighed 327.5 pounds. As of April 3, 2011 I weigh 321.5. In a little over a week, I lost 6 pounds. No effort on my part. No exercise. Just watching what I eat and recording it in myfitnesspal app on my iPhone.
Ahhhhhhmzing!!
More to come …………
